Wednesday, November 13, 2013
One Year Mark
One year!!! Can you believe it's been a year since my surgery? I never thought of what I would be doing this time in my life. Taking it each day at a time and even down to minutes at a time depending on how I'm feeling. Though I am still dealing with a lot of pain these days, I am still so much more stronger than I ever imagined.
I have a big competition Friday night at BYU. Yes, I started dancing again. I never imagined that I would after doctors informed me that it would be to hard for the body to handle after such a big surgery. There are days that I am having to stay down after a hard workout or I have had to shorten my practice time with my partner after listening to my body screaming to take a break.
This will be my first winter after the surgery without the help of Drugs and going through out my days of work. I have had to learn to give myself a break in the day to relax. Lots of meditation and speaking to myself that everything will be ok, you can do this and it won't be like this forever. The year has been spent mostly in bed laying on my back staring at the ceiling waiting for some sort of relief. I have had to learn a great deal of patience.
I still deal with lots of numbing, pinching, burning, stabbing and sleepless nights. I have seen a doctor but just reminded of the trauma my body has gone through or going through. It's a whole new transformation that I am still getting use to.
Through dance I have become very aware of the changes and adjustments. My amazing partner Alex Taylor is always asking my how I'm feeling and what he could do to give me better support. He is always looking after me in dance and helping me through. It has made our partnership stronger and more dependent of one another, creating a great connection and trust. I love this guy.
I have had so much support from so many others. My first comp was two weeks ago where Alex I placed first. It was an emotional night. The music began to play and my emotions got the best of me. My eyes began to swell with tears, my heart was beating hard in my chest as deep breaths were taken as Alex and I began dancing. I couldn't help but think, "I'm doing what I love again." Enoch hadn't seen me dance yet and my best friends Dana and Scott came to support me. They loved the performance and Enoch noticed how happy I was dancing on the floor. Each dance was full of some type of emotion. With aggression in the tango to joyful sublime moments in the Waltz and other dances. It felt amazing! We had a standing ovation from judges and people that have been there helping me through this challenge. A very proud moment. As we exited the floor one of our coaches/judges came up to us and with tears in his eyes he said, "I am so proud of you. You're an inspiration to so many including myself." Very touching moment we had. Lots of embracing moments from friends and supporters that were there watching.
Dancing to me is like telling a story. We have rough patches through out our lives, the ups and downs, the fighting through till the end, or the joyful moments of celebration of making it through life's challenges. This journey isn't over but its something that I look forward in sharing to others through dance. I am not letting this defeat me but instead I am embracing each challenge along the way. Allow yourself to make a difference. You never know what it can do for others.
I love you all so much and appreciate the love and support I have felt from you all. You have made me who I am today and I can't wait to see what else comes of this. I hope to see you soon at a comp or performance. I will continue to keep you updated with my doctor visits and recovery. Till then I hope you all enjoy this wonderful season and embrace the changes in life. With all my love.