Monday, September 23, 2013

A Season Of Change

Two of my sisters and nieces hanging out on sunday

It's been too long. So here I am at home Sunday night needing to write to you all to let you in on the updates.

Fall is upon us and the storms are here. Fall is my most favorite time of the year. I love all the changes. The beautiful vibrant leaves, the comfort foods; pumpkin, soups, hot chocolate, the smell of apple cider, the warm sun on a cool day and may I say cute clothes to layer up in. ;)

My first pumpkin I grew in my garden. So cute 

More than anything my favorite thing about the cooler weather is that it brings us together more ofter. I am an entertainer and I love being around good, fun, and uplifting people. Time to start thinking of the holidays and remembering what your thankful for. 

The weather keeps changing and I have been dealing with a huge amount of pain along with headaches. I decided after a four days of no sleep to finally see my therapist to see if he could help out with any of the pain. After an hour working on my back he did advise me to see my doctor about some of the hardware sticking out of my back. Ian (my Physical Therapist) began to feel around the hardware that was sticking out. The moment he felt around the parts I felt this electric shock go through my whole back end, up to my head down to my toes. I swear I could of jumped off the bed and clawed the ceiling like a scared cat.

So to answer your question, "how am I doing?" I am ok.... I do deal with a lot of pain especially with the weather changes. After a tough week of storms and on my feet I end up back in bed crying with exhaustion and asking myself, "why am I having to deal with this still?" I can't believe am admitting my vulnerability.

Niece and I taking a nap though I thought. She is always cheering me up when I am needing to lay down. Love her 

Writing this to you I stopped and pondered on the word vulnerability. I turned to my mom that was visiting and she had the perfect quote given by Theodore Roosevelt,

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

One can't be courageous unless they are vulnerable.  First we have risk being vulnerable, becoming an openhearted person. Then, you will see that you are just like everyone else and you are no longer afraid to be yourself. Vulnerability is usually viewed as a sign of weakness, when actually it is a sign of being authentic; putting everything aside and just being who you are. You cannot be courageous without first being vulnerable.

I am starting to dance again. Drum roll.... my first performance will be at the end of October. I am terrified to be back out on the floor.  I hate that feeling of fear. So, what am I so afraid of? Not being my best trying to be perfect. I have realized that those nerves will never go away. They are there for a reason and with out those nerves and with out that fear I wouldn't be where I am today. We are all striving for perfection, Aren't we all? I have realized that perfection can stop us from being seen or not learning the most out of life. If you can believe in something great, you can achieve something great. The good and bad together make up the journey that is our life. We have to learn how to embrace it and the way to embrace it is by being vulnerable.

Not sure how to connect this back around to the change of the season but it does remind me that life has its turn just like the seasons that changes. During times of change we will actually find strength in our vulnerabilities and that allows us to be courageous. So let your leaves change and fall, striping down and preparing yourself for what ever change come.

Beautiful leaves changing 

Russian Giant Sunflower in my yard

Best kids in the neighborhood. They come over to visit Enoch and this time they showed up to mow our lawn and hang out.  


GrandMOM said...

Wow! What a beautiful & uplifting post Alayne! Sorry you are having so much pain and headaches. Are there nerves that are being pinched? Hope you can find solutions soon! That quote from your mother IS WONDERFUL! I love how you are meeting your trials with being positive and living life to the fullest you can! I admire you alot and wish you and Enoch the Best!!!
Lots of Love,
How is Enoch's healing going? Aren't the youth wonderful when they come to help!

Alayne Wadsworth said...

Kristy, thought I wrote you but after after reading over the blog I saw there was no reply. Sorry about that. Thanks so much for your condulances I am seeing a doctor in the next week to find out what needs to be done. Enoch is doing so good. I am so proud of how fast he recovered and back in the game of life. Your wouldn't of guessed that he just had his knee done. He says that there are times at night when his knee will hurt but we figure he will feel normal after the year. Hope you all are doing great. We love you