Tuesday, March 11, 2014

My Cinderela Story



Competition season has been such a blast. I need to tell you about our first comp though, to really get an idea of all the excitement. 
This takes place at our first comp of the season.....Alex and I arrive at the California comp and say hello to friends from the studio. I was feeling so nervous.  It was so comforting to see friends I knew.
I love these kids and couldn't be more proud of them 
They are amazing and so inspiring.
We are both excited that we made it to final
As we are dancing we begin to see and hear people cheering for us. By the semi final we had new fans from all over the room loving us and clapping for us each time we did a trick, dip, pivot and wink. As we bow we get a moment of appreciation gestures, nods and smiles from each judge and audience member. 
Katelyn and Riley came to cheer for me and Alex
We all head out to the floor in one line as we stand and wait for our results. As Alex and I brace for sixth place....Sixth was called, not us? "Oh yeah, we beat out the sixth place couple!" Fifth was called, imagine the surprised look on my face. OK?, I thought, "awesome" as Alex I looked at each other. Alex begins to feel the same way and holds me tighter. The announcer continues,  "Forth place goes to".... Not us! Holy crap ($#!% was what I said) NOT meaning too but so surprised and shocked! The tears of joy start to flow as they begin to call our names for third place. We had even bigger smiles on our faces as Lee Wakefield and another judge present us with a scholarship envelope of money and our medals. Without hesitating, I hugged them both as they congratulated us. We take our pictures and congratulations and celebrations were exchanged with our other competitors. They were all so proud and happy for us, especially after seeing my face (I couldn't stop laughing and crying, even just writing this to you I begin to tear up). Even the first place winners were more happy about us placing third and the emotions I was expressing. 
My best friend and mentor Briana Walker came and cheered for Alex and I 
It was a night I will never forget. Amazed at how well we placed and how everything turned out. I felt like Cinderella. 


It was time for me to get focused and ready. So I go get my dress and robe on. No one even suspects it's me still and I am the one saying hi to people I know. I guess this is a new generation of dancers that are not the same when I was competing. So they might not be use to me being ballroom up. 
Alex and I begin to practice as all our competitors are coming in and warming up. I'm so nervous. We are soon called to go to line up. Off comes the robe and the dress is revealed. All of a sudden I felt like I was being watched by everyone as I walked (escorted by my proud partner Alex) over to the line up area. I then have a few people approach me asking, "when you are finish with THAT dress let me know so I can buy it." While others are still figuring out that it was me. We are now being called out to the floor and Alex and I are in the second round. As we start to watch the other competitors on the floor my stomach begins to tighten. I turned to Alex and tell him, "Everyone is doing so well." He looks at me and reassures me that everything will be great and no matter what,"it's only us on the floor."


 We are in a quarter final. The music begins and the room begins to spin. Running into each other and totally off balance I thought we weren't going to make it to the next round. We exit the floor and wait to see if our number is posted for call backs. We make it to the next round, and then the next. Semifinals! Alex and I are so happy we have made it to the top 12. "We have to stay focused, just like we rehearsed. It's only us on the floor."





As we exit the floor our heads are held high. Waiting to see our results I begin to think, no matter the case maybe we did it. The numbers are posted. We make the final! Alex and I are so happy. We hug and wanted to celebrate with a happy dance. He says, "Welcome back. We are back in again." Proud moment for both of us. 


 For the final we were to presented on the red carpet and called out by name to the floor. What a proud moment it was. To think where I have come from to get to this spot. The music begins and we tried our best. Smiling ear to ear, we were so happy. A few bumps in our routine and issues but we were still moving. We exit the floor and since we all know how much of a perfectionist I am, I felt awful about my overall performance and my body was feeling it. I start to apologizing to Alex. Alex then hugs me and says,"Its all right, look we made the final, wahoo!" What a great partner I have. I tend to be so hard on myself thinking of what I was capable of doing prior to the surgery. I thought everyone did amazing on the floor! They have all been in the final from the last comp in November.  

My best friend and mentor Briana Walker came and cheered for Alex and I 


I am beyond expressed words for that night. Sublime. I have learned how take risks and work hard. The song from Cinderella runs through my head, "A dream is a wish your heart makes...have faith in your dreams and some day your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is greaving if you keep on believing that dream that you wish will come true." Doing things that I have only dreamed of and making it reality. This is my Cinderella story. May all your dreams come true.   

We are so happy and greatful for all our coaches. Linda Wakefield, Micheal Johnson, Slawek Sochacki, Johnathan Roberts, and Valintina Kostenko. Thanks for always believing in me and for all your support.

Please come and support us this Thursday, March 13 (my birthday) at BYU Marriott at 8:00pm.  

I love you all so very much. I'm still on the road of recovery but building a new path. Thanks for all your love and support. I will keep you all updated. 


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

MY BIGGEST ENEMY

Instagram: Lannie_Lane what my back
needs. #scoliosis #dealingwithpain #dancerslife
#ttlc #winterwonderland 
It's been too long since writing to you all. I have been busy with school these few months getting through the very last bit and finally being finished for at least a while. Alex and I have been working hard on our dances for competition season. Which began two months ago here in Utah. We have been practicing every day and training with some amazing coaches. We are excited to get back on the floor.

I am working out everyday and now even started getting into pull ups to help with the main areas on my back. With all the dancing and teaching I am doing my back has become stronger. I am still feeling discouraged at times when my back decides to act up. The burning and tiredness tends to set in after a hard morning or day but seem to always find a reason to keep going. 

I have had a few fearful times now and then... getting back into the groove of things. I have felt people's prayers and support. I have a lot of people watching me to see how far I can actually take myself and how I am functioning. When people start asking me about how dance is going, I quickly say "Great!" Not really allowing them to know how much pain I may be hiding behind the forced smile on my face.  

It has been rough this winter season. I have become my own weather station detecting when the pressure changes and when the barometer drops. I feel my back tightening up or spasms as the muscles surrounding the hardware begins to inflame. I jokingly say, "Quick I need some oil, I am becoming the tin man" almost feeling rustic and needing a good tin grease down.


Enoch and I at the Ice Castles in Midway
Feeling discouraged, I tend to not allow these days stop me from achieving what I was sent out to do but I do find it a little more difficult to manage. My daily routine tends to shift quickly once the body takes over and I am forced to lie down and take breaks.


What a year it has been. To even think this time last year I was still in bed needing help to sit up and get through the day. People often tell me how time has gone by so fast and then ask me if it has gone by as fast for me. Honestly, time has been slow because each day since my surgery has been a challenge. I am forced to focus on a new, same or old challenges to cope through the day. Looking back on everything that I have learned this past year; learning how to roll over, how to sit up, walk, dance, manage pain, and learning the meaning of patience has taught me a great deal of progressing.

It is a mind game. Often times I have had thoughts of giving up or feeling negative about myself. One night after long day of studying and dancing I was unable to sleep. Negative thoughts began to run through my head, doubting myself and wanting to give up. I felt my body begin to break down and I began to cry. My life felt upside down and I was all of a sudden overwhelmed by everything or the lack of everything I was invested in. I was falling behind in school, dance, and being the wife and friend I wanted to be for my husband, sisters, family members or friends to others.  Overcome by these thoughts that began to run through my mind I tore off a paper towel and began to write down my brain work. But instead of writing the negative thoughts I began to write down, "I can and I am" along with my faltering thoughts. As I was writing more positive things down repeating the words as I continued to write, my negative thoughts started to vanishing and my doubts were disappearing. 



Doubting yourself can only make things worse. It is always easier said than done. If we are still breathing and alive, we all will face discouragements in our life and maybe more than others. I believe that doubt comes from discouragement and discouragement may even come from doubt. No matter the situation you may be in, you must not let it run your life. 

I can't imagine how unhappy I would feel if I allowed myself to let fear take over.  I am making myself get over those fears day by day. If I feel frighten of "it" or doubt, I have to attack it, because I'm terrified that it will take over my life and spread in other areas. 

So what am I so afraid of? Not being my best. I have realize that you can't get rid of those nerves. They are there for a reason and with out those nerves and without that fear I wouldn't be where I am today. "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear can be your worst enemy or your best friend. If you can believe in something great, you can achieve something great. The bad that comes from the good is part of the journey. Isn't it all about what you get out of the journey that can define who you will become? I guess this just means I must be going through a big change in my life. Still living to the fullest and fighting a great fight. Not knowing what the future has in store for me but excited for the new adventure. 


Exciting news to come next few days!! 





Wednesday, November 13, 2013

One Year Mark


One year!!! Can you believe it's been a year since my surgery? I never thought of what I would be doing this time in my life. Taking it each day at a time and even down to minutes at a time depending on how I'm feeling. Though I am still dealing with a lot of pain these days, I am still so much more stronger than I ever imagined.

I have a big competition Friday night at BYU. Yes, I started dancing again. I never imagined that I would after doctors informed me that it would be to hard for the body to handle after such a big surgery. There are days that I am having to stay down after a hard workout or I have had to shorten my practice time with my partner after listening to my body screaming to take a break.

This will be my first winter after the surgery without the help of Drugs and going through out my days of work. I have had to learn to give myself a break in the day to relax. Lots of meditation and speaking to myself that everything will be ok, you can do this and it won't be like this forever. The year has been spent mostly in bed laying on my back staring at the ceiling waiting for some sort of relief. I have had to learn a great deal of patience.

I still deal with lots of numbing, pinching, burning, stabbing and sleepless nights. I have seen a doctor but just reminded of the trauma my body has gone through or going through. It's a whole new transformation that I am still getting use to.

Through dance I have become very aware of the changes and adjustments. My amazing partner Alex Taylor is always asking my how I'm feeling and what he could do to give me better support. He is always looking after me in dance and helping me through. It has made our partnership stronger and more dependent of one another, creating a great connection and trust. I love this guy.


I have had so much support from so many others. My first comp was two weeks ago where Alex I placed first. It was an emotional night. The music began to play and my emotions got the best of me. My eyes began to swell with tears, my heart was beating hard in my chest as deep breaths were taken as Alex and I began dancing. I couldn't help but think, "I'm doing what I love again." Enoch hadn't seen me dance yet and my best friends Dana and Scott came to support me. They loved the performance and Enoch noticed how happy I was dancing on the floor. Each dance was full of some type of emotion. With aggression in the tango to joyful sublime moments in the Waltz and other dances. It felt amazing! We had a standing ovation from judges and people that have been there helping me through this challenge. A very proud moment. As we exited the floor one of our coaches/judges came up to us and with tears in his eyes he said, "I am so proud of you. You're an inspiration to so many including myself." Very touching moment we had. Lots of embracing moments from friends and supporters that were there watching.

                      

Dancing to me is like telling a story. We have rough patches through out our lives, the ups and downs, the fighting through till the end, or the joyful moments of celebration of making it through life's challenges.  This journey isn't over but its something that I look forward in sharing to others through dance. I am not letting this defeat me but instead I am embracing each challenge along the way. Allow yourself to make a difference. You never know what it can do for others.

                       

I love you all so much and appreciate the love and support I have felt from you all. You have made me who I am today and I can't wait to see what else comes of this. I hope to see you soon at a comp or performance. I will continue to keep you updated with my doctor visits and recovery. Till then I hope you all enjoy this wonderful season and embrace the changes in life. With all my love.






Monday, September 23, 2013

A Season Of Change

Two of my sisters and nieces hanging out on sunday

It's been too long. So here I am at home Sunday night needing to write to you all to let you in on the updates.

Fall is upon us and the storms are here. Fall is my most favorite time of the year. I love all the changes. The beautiful vibrant leaves, the comfort foods; pumpkin, soups, hot chocolate, the smell of apple cider, the warm sun on a cool day and may I say cute clothes to layer up in. ;)

My first pumpkin I grew in my garden. So cute 


More than anything my favorite thing about the cooler weather is that it brings us together more ofter. I am an entertainer and I love being around good, fun, and uplifting people. Time to start thinking of the holidays and remembering what your thankful for. 

The weather keeps changing and I have been dealing with a huge amount of pain along with headaches. I decided after a four days of no sleep to finally see my therapist to see if he could help out with any of the pain. After an hour working on my back he did advise me to see my doctor about some of the hardware sticking out of my back. Ian (my Physical Therapist) began to feel around the hardware that was sticking out. The moment he felt around the parts I felt this electric shock go through my whole back end, up to my head down to my toes. I swear I could of jumped off the bed and clawed the ceiling like a scared cat.

So to answer your question, "how am I doing?" I am ok.... I do deal with a lot of pain especially with the weather changes. After a tough week of storms and on my feet I end up back in bed crying with exhaustion and asking myself, "why am I having to deal with this still?" I can't believe am admitting my vulnerability.

Niece and I taking a nap though I thought. She is always cheering me up when I am needing to lay down. Love her 


Writing this to you I stopped and pondered on the word vulnerability. I turned to my mom that was visiting and she had the perfect quote given by Theodore Roosevelt,

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

One can't be courageous unless they are vulnerable.  First we have risk being vulnerable, becoming an openhearted person. Then, you will see that you are just like everyone else and you are no longer afraid to be yourself. Vulnerability is usually viewed as a sign of weakness, when actually it is a sign of being authentic; putting everything aside and just being who you are. You cannot be courageous without first being vulnerable.


I am starting to dance again. Drum roll.... my first performance will be at the end of October. I am terrified to be back out on the floor.  I hate that feeling of fear. So, what am I so afraid of? Not being my best trying to be perfect. I have realized that those nerves will never go away. They are there for a reason and with out those nerves and with out that fear I wouldn't be where I am today. We are all striving for perfection, Aren't we all? I have realized that perfection can stop us from being seen or not learning the most out of life. If you can believe in something great, you can achieve something great. The good and bad together make up the journey that is our life. We have to learn how to embrace it and the way to embrace it is by being vulnerable.

Not sure how to connect this back around to the change of the season but it does remind me that life has its turn just like the seasons that changes. During times of change we will actually find strength in our vulnerabilities and that allows us to be courageous. So let your leaves change and fall, striping down and preparing yourself for what ever change come.

Beautiful leaves changing 

Russian Giant Sunflower in my yard

Best kids in the neighborhood. They come over to visit Enoch and this time they showed up to mow our lawn and hang out.  










Monday, August 26, 2013

Strength Of Others

Well its been an interesting month to say the least. Enoch has snapped his ACL and damaged a part of his meniscus. Thus, he went into surgery August 6th 10:15 am.

It was so strange to me to be on the other side of things. I kept telling Enoch "it's so weird to see you in that bed getting ready and prepared for surgery." He assured me that everything will be ok.

Shaved leg and prepped for surgery. Marked with a smile face. Exactly what we wrote on my back right before I went in.  
The surgeon came in about an hour after telling me that Enoch is doing well. I am sure he can tell how out of my element I felt. Doctor Cooley began to explain that the meniscus had some damage but they were able to fix it while they were in. Soon after Doctor Cooley visited me the anesthesiologist came in and told me that Enoch was just waking up and behaving himself. Prior to Enoch going under Enoch explained to the staff that at his heart surgery, in his early 20's, he flirted with the nurses when he woke up. I thought, oh boy, this is going to be good when he wakes up. About an hour later Enoch was rolled back into his room all smiles and feeling great. Maybe a little too great. Having had a nerve block and still under anesthesia Enoch was feeling high as a kite. He thought he was super man and could conquer the world. No joke!


Enoch was craving breakfast but the only thing he could really have were crackers and a granola fruit bar. Enoch thought it was the best pancake he ever had. Enoch was such a entertainer and I could tell he was having a little too much fun. The staff and I laughed the whole time. Once they took out his IV Enoch's words were, "It's over... the party is over." "Yes", I answered, "and it is time to go home." The nurses let me know that he had made the books of most memorable and funniest patient. Since we were in Park City driving back to Spanish Fork I decided to create a group chat with some of his closest friends as an early Christmas present to really get a look at "Super Man" (Enoch). They all were thoroughly entertained.

Back to work and feeling great
Enoch did great during his first week of recovery. He only took three days of medication and then just kept his knee iced and up. Friends and family came over to visit throughout the week. Monday, Enoch had his post op appointment with the doctor and was back to work that same day. Such a trooper!
Enoch's mom Norma. She came over and fed us amazing dinner. The best nurturer I know.

Prior to this day Enoch assumed that he would be up and moving around the day after. Oh he had a lesson to be learned. Luckily enough Enoch does have the privilege to work from home which allows him to focus a little on his recovery time.


Therapy 
Enoch started therapy Tuesday 13, with the 88 degree flexibility. He kept up with his exercises everyday. Just the next day the 14 he got up to 91 degree bend, 16 105 degree, 19 117 degree, and 23 123 degrees of flexibility. Progressing everyday! He has done such a great job.
My tough guy 

Taking care of Enoch has made me realize how hard it must of been to take care of myself when I was down. It's not that Enoch is hard to take care of; taking care of him has made me understand how much goes in to nurturing and strengthening others. You can get whipped out fast.

They often say that tough times can either make or break you. Enoch and I have become such a strong team. It is important to have your loved ones near when your going through your hard times. In a way I believe that there is a power, a certain supreme unity of power when you have some type of support.  The power that gives us the ability to accomplish anything. I can't begin to describe how much power and strength I felt while I've been recovering.

Another part of taking care of someone can help you feel better about yourself. As much as you may think you can do everything on your own, there are times when you are tapped out and even though your not wanting anyone's help and maybe a bit stubborn (like myself) you will soon understand that no matter what you do it's ok to lean on another for some support. You will learn that you can get stronger faster. The power to pass it along. You can get more in life if you help enough people get what they need.

I have cried and gone through the stages of grief throughout my experience. With the prayers, faith, and perseverance I have felt the power and strength to get through anything. Goals are made everyday, goals that I can accomplish day by day. I have fallen a few times but just remind myself NOTHING is impossible. I am so proud of you Enoch and the accomplishments you have made. You are my rock.

Wishing you all are feeling the love of others and more than anything feeling the power of faith and perseverance. You can accomplish anything if you just believe in yourself. Abraham Lincoln said, "That some achieve great success, is proof that all others can achieve it as well."Go get em!! 9 months out and still learning more than I can even imagine.




Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Fun in July

July has been a busy month for us. I am always saying it would be best to have 8 weeks instead of four. ;)
I am sorry for not keeping you updated this last month. I guess in a way it's a good thing that I have been busy. It must mean I am doing much better and getting back into the grove of things. Now, I do have my weeks that I over do myself and rough nights of sleep but I am getting stronger and better at handling the pain.

So here is a quick run through of what us Wadsworth's been up to and more.....

Idaho Falls is where it's at for the fourth. You get the best fire work show in the nation. Always a must every year with our good friends the Wolf family. 
Me just having a bit of fun 
July 13 was Enoch's birthday.  He is such a stud. So grateful and blessed to have an amazing guy in my life. 
Enoch's brother and family came for a special visit. We celebrated Ryan's birthday. It was an eventful week full of fun times in the sun. Always a blast with that family.  


I am out and about trying to stay busy. Lots of fun auditions and gigs. Meeting so many new faces and great people along the way. 
 I had the lovely opportunity meeting so many new faces. This last week I had a gig teaching three nights of country dancing. All different groups and locations in park city. Such a blast!! Yes, if you were wondering I was extremely exhausted and sore after each night but had such a good time!



Good time is an understatement. We had over 500 people from Europe and Australia who came out and wanted a real feel of country. So with the help of amazing dancer friends. We had the floor full the whole night. With a live band and good times it was a huge turn out of success. Wish you were all there with me. What a night!
Me and my cow girl look ready to sweat and get my line dancing on. Beautiful Empire Canyon Lodge wedding. 
Red Barn ice cream. My I also add they have amazing licorice.
Largest Lavender Fields
Rodeo days in Spanish Fork along with pioneer day. Had a blast with the Campbell family.  Great neighbors of ours. Always a fun time with this crew.
So you can see we have been very busy and having fun along the way. I am getting stronger and trusting to get back into my career. We have lots of fun news coming your way soon. I can't wait to get started and share with you the fun adventures we have planned. Oh the suspense.  ;)

I hope you all are enjoying your summer and staying safe. Stay positive in all do and look forward to the future.